Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
