WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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