eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My feet surprised me
Randomize
