I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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