Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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