what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
