hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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