Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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