You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
