omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Someone shit on the floor
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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