My liver just broke up with me...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
two words...techno handjob
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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