.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
