**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
