I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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