so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
