remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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