I wanna bring you to show and tell
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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