I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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