then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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