Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
