i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
