he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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