Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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