Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
