what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
there is puke in my bra ... again
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