Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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