Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I had to cum in my sink.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
