Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
