I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
