she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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