is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
