I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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