My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
