Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
In America we eat man semen.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Randomize
