i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize