he wants to bone in the snuggie
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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