I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
