i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can't motorboat a personality
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I will be naked everywhere
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
