Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
