I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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