I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
