Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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