whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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