You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
