walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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