I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
