Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
