last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
