Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
