Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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