Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
