Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
