I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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