Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
