My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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