Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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