When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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