somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I will be naked everywhere
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
