Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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