Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
