He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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