So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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