you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
