first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
