your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
