I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
