You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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