hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
