with your own penis?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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