does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT