So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
