I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.