My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
