on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize