did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.