You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
