why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
