As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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