I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
