Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
