A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
