i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
