What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
