Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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