Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
