Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
